Robbie Williams has taken the BRIT Awards 2013 to task for being "boring" - with an expletive-ridden new song penned alongside long-term collaborater Guy Chambers.
The track, simply titled 'The BRITs 2013', savages last week's ceremony from the off, with a staged pre-show interview in which Williams repeatedly says: "Blahdybladhyblah".
The Island-signed singer then launches into something akin to a rap, reciting:
"Well that Brits night was so fucking boring... Coke in the bogs till seven in the morning / Look the wrong way and we end up brawling / Well I had a bit of beef with you know who, and I fucked a few female stars or two/ Nearly everything I said ended up getting screwed / Spitting at the paps, looking rude in the news"
Leading into the sung chorus with a self-depricating nod to his age ("I'm nearly 40 now and I'm still impressed... here's the mid-life crisis, I guess"), Williams doesn't hold back.
"Oh I recall/Taking in the wonder of it all/ I'm still looking for an answer through the looking grass/ Still not concentrating at the back of the class/ No thanks, sir - this one's for you.
"It's like a VD clinic – only pricks are in it/ So fucking dull and professional and timid, to be frank sir I prefer this showbiz chancer."
Ultimately, however, the singer clearly remains in thrall of the ceremony, admitting: "I still want to get laid by you."
You can listen to the song, cheekily released for free online today, via Williams' official site.
The star introduces the track with the text:
HERE'S A GIFT FROM ME AND GUY (CHAMBERS)
WE WROTE IT ON SATURDAY RECORDED IT ON SUNDAY ….
IF YOU HAVE KIDS IN THE ROOM
DON'T PLAY IT
IT'S CALLED ''THE BRITS 2013''
The 39-year-old sung his single Candy live on the night. Other live performances came from Taylor Swift, One Direction, Muse, Ben Howard and Emeli Sande.
Williams is the most successful artist in BRIT Awards history, taking home 17 gongs included those he's scooped with band Take That.
Music Week analysis released tomorrow shows that sales of Williams' album Take The Crown increased 6.3% in the wake of his performance at the BRITs.