There is a browser-flooding image on XIX Entertainment’s homepage I just can’t shake: Andy Murray’s creased nipple.

Oh, it sits beneath an explanatory racquet artfully sweeping through the black and white atmosphere. The Scottish tennis star’s clean-shaven face also appears, complete with smoky celestial ocular reflections that suggest he’s slow-mo rallying with the Archangel Gabriel himself.

But this crinkled monochrome areola is downright unnecessary; a naturally unglamorous Scottish sportsman squeezed uncomfortably into a Vaseline-lensed perfume ad. Cantankerous Pour Homme.

The ...